My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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