Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
