She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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