I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
