My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
