We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
