remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
