He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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