I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
NoShamevember. You game?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
