So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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