At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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