SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
