He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's rum buckets o'clock
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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