I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
