i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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