I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
