I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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