I am puke
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
