I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
