okay pat passed out under dana's car
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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