just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
