Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
