This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
