dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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