She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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