every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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