Slut skills are useful in every country.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
