ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
