eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
