This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
