3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
