Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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