that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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