Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
