All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
