You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
