Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
