Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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