every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
