What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
