I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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