TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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