brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
