8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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