Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
