The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
