I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
