She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
