So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
