pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
North Korea, Best Korea!
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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