every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
babies were throwing up all over the place
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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