how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
