OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
