I hate your face
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
